I will Write

i am now 22 turning 23 next month…

well, though i am still single, i still see myself as a mother… in the future that is, not yet now…

i wanted my children to be as responsible as i do… i may not be the perfect mother for them but that is all i want them to be when they will soon grow up…

now, i ain’t the perfect daughter… i lose my patience as well… patience towards my parents… but still i am doing everything for them… my plans are for them… not for me… yes, i wanted my children to be like me… not really me but them to have this right behavior…

um um um… this isn’t a serious post… i was sleeping and in my dream was a child who was mad at me… he is not my son but he was mad at me… he almost hurt me… my children may get mad at me but hopefully they wouldn’t hurt me the way that the lil boy did in my dreams… no matter how awful your life has been being the child of your parents you still do not have the right to hurt them…

my being a child along with my brother (elder) is not really one of the best experience… but still, now that we are grown up we still are taking the responsibility of helping out our parents…

i dunno how we (along with my elder brother) ended this way even if we had experienced the worst from our parents… nway so much to that… i love my nanang and tatang… i will always be there for them no matter what… they may not know but every step that i have taken is for them… disregarding my flaws of course… i love my elder brother too though we barely talk… i also love our youngest brother though he is “pasaway”…

i want my children to love me and their dada… and i want them to love each other as well… yeah they are my children, loving, responsible, respectful, caring and happy… and i will certainly love them back…

hemorrhage - > bleeding inside… who is bleeding inside? not me! lol… nway got this song from stephenie meyer’s playlist for midnight sun… it is a sequel for twilight, only Edward is the one telling the story… well it isn’t finished yet but i enjoyed the playlist… i like Notice too by Gomez and there are other songs that i like as well… well well well this is my second blog about twilight… hehe the other is private… just wanted it to be private… lol… nway and yeah i still love edward cullen… lol… funny it is huh? my life is revolving in his story… i don’t wanna wake up… i don’t want this to be over… i feel better and i guess i feel that there is still hope on anything… lol… funny… nothing to do again… just sharing about hemorrhage…
bleeding inside, huh? better die now. yeah, better die now…

umubsobra kan…

i mean makauma talagan…

lol…

you’re forcing me to leave…

i better leave now, right?

i was a loser after all… lol…

gets?

haha i guess there is no longer hope for me… lol…

gets?

haha only one person can understand me without me talking… lol…

gets?

i’ll take back my wish… lol…

gets?

i will no longer wait… lol…

gets?

don’t waste your time… lol…

gets?

don’t pretend that you are nice… lol…

gets?

you are pretending…

you are trying to please…

lol… gets?

the person who understands me does not read this… he does not need to…

lol… gets?

my only comrade… i trust my comrade…

hehe… lol… gets?

stoopeed! miiii!

am talking to myself again… yeah i should be… lol… gets?

ano ba meron?

ala naman ah…

the things that you are doing are worthless!

it is not worth it!

rest your body!

rest your mind!

get enough sleep!

depression is sinking in again…

deym

deym in a million times!

wakanapakels!

napapagod ako…

ndi ko alam kung bakit…

nagising ako kanina nangingiyak na lang ako… lately, days are becoming sleepless? for what reason? it’s christmas and i don’t have money… deym deym deym… am working and am pennyless… PIMAN! i mean i wanna buy this and that for my family… but i can’t… simple am pennyless… depression is sinking i know… i know that in a day or two i will be getting sick… deym… yeah deym it and i am getting bigger… deym deym deym… deym about everything… i needed someone that i can speak with…

taz taz taz pagdating ko sa opis ampf… can’t sleep… i found myself crying… deym can’t understand why… matagal na akong ndi naiyak… i mean really cry… deym… what happened? what is happening? what’s going on?

i remembered papa… how can He just not take away papa’s pain? i mean he’ve been sick for awhile now… this year is the third christmas that he will be celebrating in pain…

deym deym deym… i hate it… i hate everything! this is making me sick! this is ridiculous! don’t make me Hate You… please… don’t make me Hate You…

terible! ndi pa rin tapos ung phone call ko… pers call ko pa lang tong kausap ko… ampf! ang bobo ko lang! litsi! deym deym deym… deym uli… geez… pprivate ko ba tong post ko o ndi? ;seesaw; wapakels! lol… sabi ni devil ndi ko daw ipprivate… ;devil; mananalo ang kadiliman sa mga susunod na araw… ano naman kung maging masama ako minsan… ano kaya… pero ndi ako iresponsable… lol… lol… at lol… what i am doing is being irresponsible… am i am i am i? litsi! wapakels na lang dude! lol… ang gulo ko… ang gulo gulo ko… ala akong makausap eh so so so susulat mode daw ako…

ayun taz na at ndi pa sya resolved… unrecognized pa rin device nya… cx will try it on a different computer… it’s freaking cold daw sa place nila… lol… how about here? the weather is fine for me… lol…

ciao

unheard, unseen?

unheard, i am shouting…

unseen, i am getting your attention…

reality bites…

reality is?

i dunno…

reality your peys!

bitter?

sweet?

bitter sweet?

sour?

lol? funny?

we will be gone…

i will be gone…

you will be gone…

i don’t exist…

you don’t exist…

everything will be lost…

everything will be forgotten…

happy?

yes, you!

you are happy!

do i know better?

you don’t even know what is better…

lol? funny?

nu nalpasam…

ibatim lattan…

for me to know…

for me to learn…

and…

for your own pleasure…

.

let me feel that i am needed,

i might get back to you…

let me feel that i am needed,

i may be able to put myself back…

let me feel that i am needed,

i might get back to my senses…

let me feel that i am needed,

i may love you again…

let me feel that i am needed,

i may wear that smile again…

let me feel that i am needed,

i may stop from weeping…

let me feel that i am needed,

i may forget the happy moments…

let me feel that i am needed,

for that is all that i wanted…

NEED ME… please…

let me hide…
for this is the best thing that i can do for the moment…

one quote says ” Don’t ever forget that with each step a person is able to take on their own, they have become that much stronger. “

i may not face you now…
but i know when we come face to face i will be better…

i was again bound in that room…
the room where i am happy…
in that room everything is better…
that there is always a way for everything…

i have already bid goodbye to you…
in silence that is…
for if you heard, will it make a change?

let me hide even my shadow…
it can tell you the worst feeling i have for the moment…